mittagsschule

Mmm, nothing like going to a kick-ass supermarket with all your friends from your class in the lunch break, buying a buttload of junk food, oranges, and baked goods, and then taking it all back to school to eat during the two hours of afternoon history class. Good times, almost an Americanesque indulgence. Shared and ate all our junk food (well, I still have a bit of Haribo), and then had a furious orange peel fight behind the teacher's back. Nothing like the satisfying sound of a piece of orange splatting with deadly precision on your comerade's back across the room...and then have it come back at you five feet above your head. I love German school. Nevertheless, you can't feel too down on yourself about being overweight and out of shape and eating further junk food if you do it with a bunch of friends.

Played badminton this evening with Nunt from Thailand and Gabi from my class, Gabi invited us along to play with all of her friends. Not all of her friends are that interesting, but one of them was fairly hot, which made it worthwhile. I love the sport bra/tank top combo. But, she has a boyfriend who was also playing, so, too bad for Brent.

And, while girls may laugh at clowns, girls do not desire clowns as boyfriends. And, I just happen to be a clown. I think there's a social skills gap in there somewhere...or just the old question, how does one be a 'normal' teenager? I have the quasi-solution to that question, which is, you never have been, and never will be a normal teenager, but I would at least like to know how to pretend. Either I seem really depressed and quiet because I'm bored, tired, concentrating or being serious, or, I'm a clown. This frustrates. Whatever. I don't think I would entirely want to date a German girl, though, Germans have a different concept of dating relationship as Americans, or at least I, do. Germans are less emotionally diverse than Americans, methinks. Almost every relationship I've seen in Germany is so cliché, not what I want. I can count exactly two that weren't cliché. And 3/4 of those people weren't German.

Well, enough boring half-contemplation of my sorry social life. Which will get even worse when I'm forced by panic to take less social activities more seriously again. Which will happen tonight, I believe. I love built-in procrastinations. Life is hard when you love and have to do anti-social, very time-consuming activities.

I should stop, but I'll throw this in, too. If you are bored, skip the next two paragraphs. Almost my entire exchange year, I have been torn between and struggling with two groups and two prioritizations of my life. Almost all people involved with my exchange, and almost all of my friends, urge me to be more social, to 'hang out' with people my age more, people from school, to see what they do, to be curious. To be out there. To exchange cultures. When I applied and learned for my exchange year, I promised I would do my best to please these people (well, not the friends, but why would you not want to please your friends?). The second group is a group of people that is much more dear and close to me, who say that I must focus absolutely on my music, more specifically organ studies, and to take school here very seriously, to do my best.

Obviously, all of these priorities cannot fit in my life, unless I don't sleep (I like sleeping, but not going to sleep). So, how do I prioritize my life? Interestingly enough, no one has suggested or insisted that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about my life but me, no one has said that I should be the sole prioritizer of my life, and that everyone should be happy with my decisions. Everyone seems to know best, what is good for me to be doing. Sadly, and not surprisingly, I see otherwise. Being a naturally somewhat 'try to please everyone' person, this is a huge dilemma, because someone is going to be, and has been disappointed, angry, or frustrated. People from both groups. Everyone is at least somewhat important to me, I don't feel comfortable dumping their priorities without it being ok with them. I want to stand up for my priorities, but that won't fly without many people being angry, most of them the people that I see the most every day. The worst thing for me, is that I haven't been worried about pleasing myself, about getting the most of what I want out of this year, I've been worrying about what other people want. At least I have a more understanding host family now, my first host family was hell. And, I swear I'm cursed, now I'm doing more things my first host family would have approved of...it was more convenient there to do things they didn't fully approve of. I get all this psychological shit, and I've done almost nothing that nobody approves of! Maybe I'm just too concerned about what other people think about me. Hopefully is my life more clear in February.

January is almost over! WTF! Time goes way too fast on exchange. Aaron said at least one thing funny today, but I didn't write it down! Dammit. Well, I'll end with an ok quote:

Aaron: We think the name Fabian is hilarious.
German female classmate: Fabian? I always thought that was a normal name. Fabian. Fabian, Fabian, Fabian. Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian...
(Aaron and Brent rolling on floor)

Oh, and maybe I'll add a quote of my own to make feel good about myself, hah, am sad person. Note: I do not know how to spell the sound, 'han', or 'hon', or maybe, 'honh'. At any rate, the n has to be nasal, like the Frrrrench!

Aaron: "Haha, Morgan thought that when we were saying 'honh', we were making fun of the French."
Brent: "Well, now we are."

Anothah:

(Aaron rips off part of giant baguette with teeth)
Morgan (broken German): "OH! Baguette!! May I have piece from baguette?!"
Aaron: (nods)
Morgan (intense French laugh/accent): "Haha, baguette!!" (shamelessly rips apart baguette)
Aaron and Brent: (fall around laughing)

Ok, that's really enough.